One of those Days

"What's your problem? Hmm?" (Sophie at 3 months)
When everything and anything can make me feel so... down. Like all the happiness has been zapped out of me. It might be burnout. It could be just me plainly whining. I don't know.

What triggered this depression bout, you ask? It's a number of things actually. Sophie not wanting to eat, and vomiting the measly amount of food that she takes in when you force her to eat. The househelp staining one of my few precious blouses, a result of washing it -- a yellow-orange blouse -- with the red-colored clothes. Hubby coming in for lunch, declaring he's so burnt out with life and that he will rest today, absenting himself from this afternoon's work and evening school classes.

All in all, I feel... helpless. Is that the right term? I want, need, love to do something, but I can't do anything... to prevent things from happening. Oh, and clueless too. I also don't know what I should do to keep things from happening. (Okay, I think I am no longer making any sense...)

I wish for Sophie to get the best nutrition that she could get. I try feeding her with fruits yesterday, but she ends up (guess what?) vomiting the contents of her tummy once again. Every month, during her well-baby checkup, I fervently hope that she tip the scales and register a figure that is finally something within the normal weight range for toddlers her age, if not, her height. But as with every month since I can remember, she has failed to do so... It's always that 0.2  kilograms or more underweight. She had been tagged by her pedia as a kid who has "failure to thrive". We've tried changing formulas ever since, but her weight issue persists...

Hubby juggling an 8-5PM work with 6-9 law school classes will undoubtedly, lead to a burnt out Hubby. Having a baby is expensive already, right? But having Sophie, is much more... On top of the milk, diaper, vaccines, etc., there's the twice a week therapy and consultations to several therapists which happens either quarterly or semi-annually.

When we first had Sophie, I agreed to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for the first year then be on the job-hunt as soon as she turned 1. But it seems, He has other plans for us. Before Sophie turned 1 we found out about her developmental delays and the need for constant stimulation and occupational therapy. Who else do I rely on to carry that task, but me, right? And with that, I have been a SAHM for 19 months now.

I wanted to do something, anything to help out with the expenses. But I am not good at anything that I could turn into an enterprise. I can cook, I can bake, but on a level that's not yet fit for mass production. I admit, my cooking and baking skills need to be fine-tuned first and be thoroughly practiced to achieve consistency...

Sometimes, I just want to do this... (Sophie at 2 months)

So here I am now, a mid-20s wifey and mommy who's blogging about her adversities. Forgive me, I just need to let off some steam.

Promise, this will be the first and the last time I will have a BV (bad vibes) post.


Giselle Bongo said...

Nice one sis, it feels good to vent out negative feelings once in awhile because we have to acknowledge that we're not super women and that we're doing the best we can in a situation given to us. I'm sure you know that "this too shall pass" as every problem that comes our way does. Keep your head up sis! I admire you because inspite of the hardships you're experiencing, you still manage to retain a little bit of sense of humor. Btw, I like your FB profile pic! Happy happy lady :-) God bless!

Mar said...

Hi Vanenie, I can truly understand you. Although I am not yet a mom, I have a mom, an aunt who are mothers like you. They too are preoccupied and I know how hard it must be, being a mom 24/7. But I am sure your undying love to your baby and family is greatly appreciated by them as well. -Mar

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